Today's bout will be between those two titans of teen-pop music. I give you.....Madonna Vs. Brittney Spears. Our commentators today will be Brett, on behalf of Madonna, and J'main, who supports Ms. Spears. I will be your humble moderator.
J'main: Well now Brett, this could be a very short night. The last time we saw Britt and Madge together they were swapping spit on stage at the MTV awards. It's safe to assume that Madge would be...shall we say Trusting of Britt. Ms. Spears will invite Ms. Donna to carpool with her to the teen choice awards. As we know, Britt does not ensure that passengers are properly secured by safety belts (or infant car seats). We also know that she speeds. One well timed stomp on her break pedal will send Madge through the windshield. Game over. And it will all look like an accident.
Brett: J'main....tsk tsk. You clearly have not done your homework. Madonna, if you didn't know, is Italian American. She is, shall we say, in the "Family" She of course would not like to speak of that. Still, members of that group are not very trusting. They know all too well the damage that can be done to a person with just a simple, innocuous automobile. She will send a couple of Goomba...I mean friends over to inspect the car before hand. I know you think your plan is so air tight because they will find nothing unusual. This will only make Madonna more suspicious. Luckily, she has been preparing for this for a few years now. You might have heard her interviewed recently. Did you notice the faux British accent? Or the hat that looks like it belongs to a balding Cuban cab driver? Clearly if this ride to Teen Choice were to ever take place, Madonna would be the chauffeur. Driving Miss Britney.
Once they get to the venue, Madonna, who is known for her ability to constantly reinvent herself, will don a disguise, probably a gay back up dancer, and then the waiting game begins. She will bide her time until Britt has her time on stage. When Britt floats back stage on one of those crazy harnesses that she seems to love so much, and, forgetting her microphone is live announces that "ouch! my [vagina] is caught"
Just the moment Madge is waiting for. She will attack Brittney, pummelling her to death. Good night sweet princess. Long live the Queen.
J'main: Clearly you have not heard of a little thing called the Internet. On this Internet, you can see a NOT so little thing called Brittney Spears' vagina. I believe that Stretch Armstrong comes to mind. When attacked by Madge, she will grab her Match Game skinny microphone, pull back her labial Bow String.....and shoot Madge squarely in the chest. Her name IS Spears for godsake.
Britt: Please. Do you really want to argue vaginal elasticity? Madonna has been servicing the steroid enhanced ROD of Alex Rodriguez. I don't think you want to battle on that front.
J'main: Point for you Britt. Madge is definitely the bigger whore. But she did not have the technical skills or the Deep Down Rage to do what was necessary to win. Maybe it was Alzheimer's. Game Set Match.
What J'main did not realize was that Madonna had been saved by Jesus. Her adopted son from south America. He had given her a Solid steel Saint Christopher Medal, which had taken the brunt of Britt's microphone attack. I would have to give this match to Brittney Spears. She gets points for being on the offense and also for ingenuity . If you have any further commentary or suggestions for other match ups, feels free to leave a comment.
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