Fear And Self-Loathing In Visalia

I have read that the human brain weighs about thirteen pounds. I have no reason to doubt this (especially since the only way to be sure would require separating my brain from my body) but when the mind (which it seems to me should be weightless) turns on you, it has the avoirdupois of a ton of brick! 

A friend of mine is having a major freak out about taking a big step forward in her job. Fear has her in a death grip! I understand biologically speaking, fear is a defense mechanism. It is supposed to keep us from doing dangerous things. Often though, I find that it keeps me from doing things that are quite the opposite of dangerous. It keeps some of us from meeting new people or finding a better job. Those sound like good things. So what is the evolutionary reasoning behind the fear and anxiety people find themselves suffering from? Uhg! Remember that commercial that said a Mind is a Terrible thing to waste? It was half right! 

I suppose that this is the much hyped Fight or Flight response. Well, too often I have chosen Flight. I guess all we can hope for is the wisdom to know when it's time to stand and Fight. We are only fighting ourselves anyway. And the only way to lose is by NOT fighting. In a perfect world, I guess it would be better to not play this game at all. Damn! 80's teen movie wisdom alert! It's like Joshua (whopper) in War Games. He (?)  finally realized after playing endless games of tic tac toe that the  only winning move is to not play at all! 

Sadly our minds usually dont leave that as an option. So as long as we have that inner voice screaming at us, "shall we play a game?" I say to you....stand and Fight! 

Par For The Course

I found myself once again at the Local Golf Course this past weekend. I was just out to finish off my day with a relaxing 9 holes. I started out pretty well, with a par and then a Birdie. Often that will be the beginning of the end of "good" play for me. Today was different though. The Gods of Golf were smiling upon me. At the seventh hole I had a three foot putt that would leave me sitting at even Par. If all you know of Golf is what you see on Sunday afternoon television, you are probably thinking, umm...yea? And? The pro's on TV routinely shoot scores well BELOW par. Well I am here to tell you, that is not real life. Golf is hard!!!! To shoot anywhere near par is an amazing feat for the average golfer. So with that thought in my head, I stepped up and missed that three foot putt. I will admit it, I choked. Nerves were really getting to me. I did make the follow up putt for par, leaving me one stroke over par for the round. On the final hole I barely missed another par putt. That one really hurt. So I finished my day at Two strokes over Par. This was by far the best 9 holes of golf I have ever played. It felt amazing, except that it didn't. This is the confounding thing about golf. No matter how well you play, you always feel like there were at least a couple of shots left on the course. The what if's will make you nuts! As I sat on the lip of my open trunk changing my shoes, I seriously thought about quitting all together. I played SO well that afternoon, and still I didn't really enjoy it. Well that's not true. I did enjoy it. But I didn't get satisfaction. I could have done more. I realized that this is what it will always be. It's an unbeatable game. Do I want to beat my head up against that wall for the rest of my life? Frustrating!!!

Having put a few days between me and that day, I can say that I feel better about it now. It was pretty awesome. I suppose I am not trying to best Golf itself. I am only trying to beat ME! To do better tomorrow than I did today. And if not, then to come back the day after and try again. Most importantly, I just want to have fun no matter how I am playing. Most days I can say I do accomplish that. So tomorrow I have the day off. Where would I rather be than at the course, giving it my all? Well, maybe spending time with my wife, but she is working, so....I am good on that. Right? 

And Now With Pictures

I have decided to do a little experiment. Occasionally I am going to try to add some of my own drawings to my posts. I am at least as skilled as an artist as I am as a writer, which is to say not very. So this should be interesting! Please be aware of my fragile ego when it comes time to comment. 

The Agony of Irony

For those that don't know, I live in a desert. Today was the first painfully hot day of the year. 104* in the shade. So....stay out of the shade! I decided to go have myself a meatless burger at Chili's. Now there is a place that lives up to it's name. Maybe even exceeds it. It was at BEST chilly in that place, to my sweaty body that I spent the whole day acclimating to the heat, it was FREEZING!!! I always want to die in an interesting way. Freezing to death on the hottest day of the year seems about right. Seriously, it was about 50* in there. BRR!!! I find human excess interesting. Clearly on a hot day you want to be inside a nice air conditioned building. Say, a balmy 72*. That's apparently not enough for the staff of Chili's. They want to slide right past comfortable, to the point that the temperature is all you can think about. Seems defeatist. Isn't the point of A/C to make you comfortable?  I would like to challenge everyone to make an effort to show some restraint this week. In what ever you do. It's empowering to NOT do something that you know you could. Yes, you could drive your car at 100 mph. Try 65 instead. Jumbo pizza? Nah, try the small. Or perhaps a salad. Feel like fondling yourself all evening....well we DO need a little bit of fun in life. 

The fact that I write this is a little bit ironic in and of itself. I am a hardcore Capitalist. Yet I find myself arguing the merits of scaling back. Right sizing I like to call it. 

While on the topic, how about some linguistic irony. Why is it called a Chili when it is so freaking HOT?!?!? It's a Latin conspiracy. 

I Am What Popeye Is

For some reason I was thinking about Popeye today. It occurred to me that the two of us have much in common. Maybe you will agree. 

1) We are both vegetarian. Although Popeye enjoyed his spinach from a can, we are both down with the greens. 

2) The Pipe. You almost never see the Popster without his pipe. Few people know this about me, but I used to rock the Bubble blowing Pipe when I was a kid. Made small bubbles....but the volume was killer!

3) Bad Hair Days. Like me, Popeye is trying to work a comb-over. I would argue that I have been more successful, since Pop is working with just a single hair. Neither of us are fooling anyone though.

4) We both look good in a hat. Enough said.

5) Giant Forearms. Pop and I both wear our guns slung low. I am more of a Lone Gunman though as only my right forearm is well developed. Lone gunman is quite appropriate considering the method employed to Pump my arm. Many LONEly nights as a teen. 

6) We both love Olive Oil. I prefer my olive oil warmed with some crushed garlic, rather than with knobby knees and an dowdy skirt that shows no skin. That said, I think if you cut us, we bleed olive drab!

7) Parenting by Proxy. I was never quite clear on Pop's relationship to SweetPea. Was that Olive's baby? I'm pretty sure Pop wasn't the baby daddy. Maybe she was Blutos. An Olive/Bluto divorce would explain a lot of the animosity. What ever the case, it seems Pop was always responsible for SweetPea even though she wasn't his by oil. Every time the government runs out of money, they claim they need more. You know, for the kids. We all have to do our part. For the kids. I DON'T HAVE KIDS!! Like Pop, I am always there when they need me though. 

8) Existentialism. We know that Popeye had thought long and hard about the meaning of life and his place in the Universe. It can be best summed up by his most famous quote. "I am what I am. And that's all that I am." I am not sure I share his view. There must be more to me than....ME?! Clearly though we both are knowledge seekers. 

Popeye and I do part ways in some areas. I don't have a mortal enemy. Which is good because unlike Pop, I also carry no emergency Spinach supplies. Still....we both mumble a lot. And chuckle. And we both have a Lazy eye. Although Pop's has  possibly crossed the lazy/dead line. All in all.....I am what he is. 

Samson and the Brazilian Wax

Since I have been cursed with a balding head, I decided a few years ago that my only option was the full shave. Seeing someone that resembled a Bald me staring back at me from the mirror never really sat well with me though. So recently I have been letting my bald flag fly, and regrowing my hair. It's thin. But I sure missed it. A few strands of hair, deftly laid, can cover a lot of glowing skin. 

One pleasant surprise: Since my hair is fairly curly, now when I see a stray hair laying around I don't have to assume pube! For that reason alone, when the comb over/across begins to fail, I am going to get the full Brazilian! 

Please pray for a cure to Baldness. Thank you in advance.